


When We Fall

by tmo



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blood, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-09-18
Packaged: 2018-01-11 23:33:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmo/pseuds/tmo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU Iruka and Kakashi have been best friends since the fifth grade and their lives have always been difficult but their friendship has an even tougher road up ahead. Based on true events.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. September 23, 2009

__

His fists had started to sting from all the punches he was throwing at the wall but he ignored it and continued. It had gone like this three times before.

_Self-pity._

He wailed at the wall and whipped angry tears away, finally pausing from his attack on the wall. The tears hadn't stopped ever since they started only minutes before his physical outburst.

He wasn’t a violent person by nature but there were times in his life where his kind demeanor fell and he unleashed the monster that his true self suppressed, letting his anger take over. Years ago, his little brother had been unfortunate to be the one to experience what he became, earning a punch or kick when he pissed his off to a certain point but it had never been like this.

He let the tears fall hard and fast onto the hardwood floor, gripping his now throbbing hand and sinking down to his knees. His knees stung at the impact but he couldn’t care less as he cradled his hand and pulled his knees up to his chest, pushing Himself back against the wall and closing his tear-filled eyes. He hadn't cried like this in ages….not since Kakashi had first told his he asked Anko out, at least.

At the thought of his supposed best friend, his face went slack and he let the tears fall until they stopped.

Things had been piling up so much lately. They had started to build up slowly enough that he didn't notice until they were right on top of me, suffocating me.

The ball started rolling when Genma told him he loved him couple of months ago. He was supposed to have been ecstatic that he told his that but….

He wasn’t and for good reason too. He had told his right before we parted ways to get to class in the most off-handed manner ever, not even waiting to see his reaction or giving his a kiss to show he meant it. He just walked off. It got his thinking and he started noticing that he was acting differently towards me, not coming to meet his at our mutual breaks and opting to hang out with his friends more, Raidō especially.

He had told Kakashi that he felt Genma and he were growing apart and Kakashi only confirmed his suspicions when he casually asked Genma how things were going between us, telling his that Genma thought the same. We had one last lunch together and broke with a few simple sentences about how we were growing apart.

After the initial happiness at being single again wore off, he started missing Genma as stupid as it was. Scratch that, he missed human touch.

He missed getting hugged or getting a kiss on the cheek. Kakashi and he went out to clubs and even got laid sometimes but it just wasn’t the same.

His career was in the toilet too. He was failing most of his classes and the revenue of the bar he worked at was slowly declining, pushing Kakashi and he into a situation where we were now living off ramen and Kraft dinner.

Then Kakashi told his he and Anko were getting back together for the millionth time a few days ago…

But it wasn’t all that that really stabbed his heart and tore it out. It wasn’t the last thing that made his want to cry all over again. The worst thing about all this was that, on the last of the thousands of physiotherapy hours over the years I’d spent in that creepy office with that sickeningly kind woman smiling at his as she pulled manipulated his limbs, I’d received the news that he would never be up to the full physical capacity he was once at.

In more straightforward terms, he would never dance again.

He dragged Himself to his feet and shuffled to the kitchen, ripping open the kitchen drawer and staring at the blades that glinted seductively in the light. He slipped one slowly out of the drawer and gazed at the largest blade, wondering how Kakashi felt when he first cut himself almost ten years ago. His roommate had eventually lost the habit after many years of popping anti-depressant pills and therapy. It was terribly ironic that Kakashi was diagnosed with bipolar disorder only a few months after doing a presentation about it in ninth grade.

The knife felt heavy and unfamiliar in his grasp but he brought it up to his other wrist anyway, letting the knife’s surface cool his skin against it.

Could you blame his for being so alone? No, no one could. All his friends were ignoring me, his grades were plummeting and he had no goal in life anymore. He felt so cold, so alone with no one there to tell his everything would be alright or that it would get better, not even his family.

His sibling couldn’t help as he was either too busy or couldn’t leave their house to come into town. His parents had been ignoring his ever since he came out to them about his being bisexual.

And Kakashi didn't care.

He set down the knife and snatched the phone from its cradle, going to his room and shuffling through his drawers until he found a little slip of paper that he swore to Himself I’d throw it out but never got to it. He dialed the number and went to the kitchen as it rang until it was picked up by a voice that made his cringe.

“Yeah?” A voice drawled out.

“Hey, Mizuki?” This man had been the first man he slept with, the man who brutally took whatever was left of his virginity and left his to bleed.

“Wait…Iruka?” he grimaced as he scoffed with disbelief, almost able to feel the smirk that replaced it. “Well, I’d never have thought you’d call me. You want another round?”

“No,” he ground out, ignoring the lewd manner he’d said those last few words. “He needs to ask you a favour.”

“Why could you possibly need his help?” there was a tint of sarcasm in his voice and he rolled his eyes.

“Because you’re the only one who’d help me.”

X-X-X

In his half-dead state, he stared blankly at the wall opposite me, feeling nothing on the inside but emptiness.

He had crawled into a corner of his room and was letting the tears on his face dry into salty lines, waiting for the buzz of the intercom with the patience of a monk.

The feeling that had settled over his was like the calm after the storm. He had let his tears fall until there was none and made up his mind as to how this day would play out.

Mizuki showed up half an hour after he called him, letting himself in through the door I’d left unlocked after buzzing him up. He glanced up from his place on the couch to see him standing there, looking both uneasy and nervous. He had a good reason to be. After all, it’s not every day you get a call from the guy you fucked only a month before and left to bleed, especially when they ask you to bring what was weighing down heavily in his pocket.

He shuffled into the room and slipped it out of his pocket with a gloved hand, looking at his with what could have been related to concern, “you sure about this?”

He smiled grimly and nodded with closed eyes. “More than anything.”

He nodded slowly and he stood up, moving to stand in front of him as he heard the tell-tale  _‘click’_. He swallowed passed the lump in his throat as his heartbeat fell into a snail-like pace once he felt the cold barrel of the gun press into his forehead. He waited for the sound that would be the signal of the end that he was ready to welcome.

This was it, the end of Iruka Umino. A tear slid down his cheek at the thought and he smiled grimly to himself.

_“What the fuck are you doing here?!”_

His eyes widened and he spun around just as Mizuki looked to find his stunned roommate standing in the doorway. He looked confused and in shock at the sight that greeted him for his one visible dark, grey eye was wide, the other covered by his silver hair.

He moved a couple of steps towards his friend. “K-Kakashi….”

Kakashi repeated himself, louder this time and with more panic and anger than before.  _“What the fuck is going on in here?!?”_

The whole world seemed to slow down as he brought his phone out of his pocket for both Mizuki and he to see and was about to dial 911. The rest seemed to happen in a blur.

He didn't even realize what had happened until he saw Mizuki looking at his with horror as he staggered away, smoking gun in hand as he bolted out of the apartment passed a stunned Kakashi whose eyes were even wider than before.

_Holy shit._

His knees buckled under his as his shoulder flared with such agonizing pain that the world almost black out in front of his eyes.

“Shit!” he heard Kakashi run over, his phone which he almost never let go falling to the floor in the doorway, and drop to his knees just as he fell forward, catching his waist before his face could make contact with the floor. He was lowered to the floor on his side slowly this time and he heard through the veil of pain that someone was rustling around in the distance. After a while, a felt something pressing up against his shoulder, causing his to cry out again as the searing pain almost sent his over the edge, blue and black spots dancing over his vision.

A long while passed until the sounds and his vision came back to me. His eyes adjusted to the room and he could faintly hear Himself thinking, ‘ _wait….we don’t have a red floors…_ ’ he realized with an odd calm that it was his blood.

Shaking fingers came into view, turning his so his back was now on the floor and his head up so that his eyes saw Kakashi, his eyes as wild as his hands were bloody.

“I-Iruka? Can you hear me, Iruka?” he heard him call out through the haze that was starting to accumulate even more. He chuckled and saw his face turn into one of confusion. He brought his hand up to touch his left eyebrow where the new piercing I’d bought him for his birthday a few months back gleamed.

“Yeah,” he said softly in answer to his question and he caught his hand, squeezing it tight.

“Why the hell was he here? Why did you even let him in?!” his voice was trembling and climbing with his demanding questions. He licked his lips, letting his face go slack as he blinked to try to get the darkness from closing in.

“Iruka?!” he heard him yell from the distance away and he smiled as his eye fell closed, listening to the soothing sound of blood pumping in his ears. He felt Himself drift further along as he felt the vague sensation of someone holding his head. His body felt even lighter as the pain melted away and he dropped into unconsciousness.

X-X-X

His whole body trembled as he saw Iruka's face go slack, his whole body kicking into hyperventilation mode as the brunet’s eyes started fluttering as Kakashi pressed the cloth he’d snatched from the kitchen to Iruka’s shoulder though he knew it was doing little good to stop the blood flow as it was already drenched in blood.

“Iruka?!” Kakashi called harder, dropping his friend’s hand and the cloth when those dark, brown eyes slid shut to hold Iruka’s head as it slowly tipped to the floor. Kakashi felt him go limp and he went almost as still as Iruka in shock. “Iruka?!?!”

Taking a choppy, deep breath, Kakashi let Iruka’s head rest on the floor, glancing around him for something…anything! Bellowing at seeing nothing useful he finally called out in a broken, strained voice,  _“help!!!”_

He grabbed the cloth again and held it to Iruka’s shoulder again.

“What’s going on- _what the fuck!!!???_ ”

Kakashi looked up to see the girl from the apartment next to theirs’ stranding in the doorway with her hand over her mouth, looking pale, as if she was going to throw up.

In as much as a calm voice he could manage, the young man said, “Please call 911.”

She nodded quickly and ran back to her apartment just as two other people peeked in.

“Oh his god!” the little, old landlady cried, turning away as the man next to her led her away from the sight.

A few moments later, the man returned to the shell-shocked Kakashi, telling Kakashi he was a medical student and that he could help. The young man just watched as the stranger worked on his friend, turning the now pale brunet on his side as Kakashi went to fetch the things the other man asked for.

It seemed like hours had passed until the ambulance arrived, the medics pushing through the little crowd of people who had gathered on their floor’s lobby to lend a helping hand if need be. The medics patched Iruka up as much as they could before loading him onto a stretcher and quickly heading out. One of them asked Kakashi if he was alright and it was only then that he noticed that he was covered in blood, Iruka’s. He nodded to the medic numbly and pushed after the stretcher, saying quietly to another medic that he was Iruka’s roommate.

They all got in the ambulance, Kakashi sitting next to a medic who was pumping air into a face mask attached to his roommate’s face while the other two across from him were cutting away Iruka’s shirt to disinfect the wound. He was close enough to his friend that he could have reach out and touch the brunet’s pale cheek if he wanted. But he didn’t, afraid it would be just as cold as it looked.

 

 

 


	2. August 31, 2000

Iruka glanced around his desk before turning his eyes back up to the board, waiting for the teacher to appear and do her thing.

To be honest, Iruka was really nervous. He’d just moved here from another province and he wasn’t too up to meeting new kids. Everything was so foreign to him; almost all the kids around him speaking amongst each other in hushed voices and the desks were different too. Shifting uneasily in his seat, he noticed the little, green name tag at the end of his desk and glanced over at the desk next to him, seeing a similar tag on his neighbor’s desk.

“Hey,” glancing up, Iruka blinked at the odd boy next to him. “Is your name Ruka?”

“Huh?” Iruka blinked at the silver-haired kid and shook his head, taking in the name on the other desk’s tag and the little sticker in front of it. “No, is yours Akashi?”

“No.” They both flushed red and read their own tags over before realizing that the little sticker before their names were animals shaped into the letters of their first name.

“My name’s Iruka.”

“I’m Kakashi.” They grinned at each other.


	3. January 4, 2010

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m tired.”

“And?”

Iruka frowned and ignored the older man, pulling out his books from his backpack and throwing them onto his desk for him to study later.

“Iruka,” Kakashi whined from the doorway as Iruka finally turned to him and glared, face showing absolutely no mercy towards the pout and pleading eyes that Kakashi was using.

“No, I have a lot of stuff to catch up on.”

“Like what?” Flushing, the brunet turned away and fumbled for his words as he fixed the askew things on his desk.

“Stuff….” Iruka mumbled to himself when nothing realistic came to mind and Kakashi grinned in triumph.

“You don’t have anything to do. So, that means you, me and Obito get to go out tonight and have a good time.” Seeing Iruka sigh, a feeling of pity came over Kakashi and he felt his heart go out to his friend. With a soft smile, he sauntered into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed near Iruka’s hip. “Look, it’s Obito’s first time out and we really want you to be there.”

“As the responsible one or the one who picks up your tab?” Kakashi winced.

“No, not like that. We want you to come and have fun with us.” The statement didn't seem to move the other man into any semblance of agreeing so Kakashi finally said, “It’s not like you’ve been doing anything these past few months except rehab, school and seeing your psychologist.”

That’d been the wrong thing to say. Kakashi’s eyes immediately widened and he quickly said, “I mean, you know, they’ve been so stressful that you should take a-”

“It’s okay, Kakashi,” Iruka softly stopped him, his face dark with the guilt that he was feeling; guilt that Kakashi didn’t know about.

“No, I’m sorry, Iruka.” He said quickly. “I mean… It wasn’t your fault, okay? Obito and I just want to see you happy again. Seeing you like this… We just…”

His words were failing him and Iruka was quietly feeling as though he was imploding, his friend’s apology making him feel worse than anything. Throwing on a smile, he turned to Kakashi and said, “I guess a night out wouldn’t hurt.”

Calm falling over him, Kakashi returned the smile and they both trudged out of the apartment an hour later with Obito leading the way, a grand smile on his face as both of his best friends followed.

X-X-X

“So, we went out last night and had some fun.” Iruka finished as the woman sitting next to him frowned.

“Iruka, you’ve made some great progress over the past few months but I feel as though you’re having trouble.” A sigh was repressed when Iruka looked away from her. She tried to lift his spirits up and gave him a pat on the shoulder.

He had been going to see her for the last three months or so, ever since the hospital decided he needed mental attention, and she’d been trying to help him figure out all the things around him. He’d told her everything. The afternoon she’d stepped into his hospital room and got him to break down into tears still vivid in his mind even then.

The truth about what happened in September was locked away in both their minds now. No one else knew why Iruka had been shot, not even Kakashi who hadn’t said a word about seeing Mizuki. They all pretended as if their memories of that night had vanished, lips sealed.

“Why don’t you write about it?”

“Huh?” Iruka jolted back to reality and he blinked at her owlishly.

“You used to write in high school, right?”

“I guess so,” he stuttered out, her face breaking out into a smile.

“Then write it out,” she explained. “Get all your thoughts down on paper or even in your computer and use that as an output.”

It was a few moments before he nodded and told her he could try it.


	4. Transitions: August 31, 2000+

_August 31, 2000_

 

Iruka fidgeted against the wall outside and tried to be as invisible as possible. It wasn’t cold outside but he was feeling really cold on the inside, as though everyone outside was staring at the lonely new kid. He wanted to cry but he held it in and told himself that big boys don’t cry because they’re alone.

“Hey, Iruka, right?” Snapping his head up, Iruka saw two boys coming towards him, the one who sat next to him in class and another one who he didn’t recognize.

He nodded tightly and gave them both a smile, “that’s me.”

“Cool,” Kakashi smiled at the new kid and motioned towards the guy next to him. “Iruka, this is my friend Asuma.”

“Hiya,” the other boy gave Iruka a bright smile and Iruka nervously reciprocated.

“We were wondering if you wanted to play some dodge ball with us.” Kakashi said as he coolly spun the ball he held into the air and caught it.

Lips stretching from ear to ear, Iruka nodded and followed them over to another part of the yard where they played until the bell rang.

~~~

_September 21, 2000_

His frown deepened and he crossed his arms.

Kakashi had said that they could play with their cars today.

Iruka pouted as he watched Kakashi and Asuma play with their flashy, cool army soldiers over on a hill in the school yard.

It really wasn’t fair. Kakashi had told him the other day that they’d most definitely play cars. It especially wasn’t fair that Asuma called Kakashi last night and told him that he’d been grounded from his cars and hadn’t called Iruka to tell him of the change in plans.

The feeling of being left out was fairly high even as Kakashi waved him over and lent him one of his less-cool cars to use. It had a wheel missing and it was probably the oldest of them all.

Iruka shouldn’t have felt jealous of Asuma, right? Asuma and Kakashi had been friends a year longer than they’d known Iruka so… It shouldn’t have been a problem, right?

~~~

_January 25, 2002_

The wall was cold against his back and he glanced at the door to go inside the school, anxious for the bell to ring.

They’d chosen to join the yearbook club; Kakashi and Asuma. Iruka had joined the science club. He didn’t regret picking that one but he did feel the emptiness when his friends were working inside while he was waiting outside.

He wasn’t jealous. They all had sleepovers together and went to each other’s houses often enough. He was downhearted.

As soon as he’d started getting to know and warm up to Asuma, the older boy told them that he wouldn’t be going to the same school as Kakashi and Iruka next year. He was going to an all-French school somewhere on the other side of the river while the other two went to the closest English school; the place where everyone was going.

“Hey, Iruka,” the brunet glanced up and gave Yuki, another boy from his class, a bright smile as he sent a greeting the other boy’s way. “You want to go grab a basketball and shoot some hoops?”

Smiling, Iruka jumped up and hurried off with Yuki to take his mind off his friends.


	5. March 2, 2010

A long and lazy yawn broke free as Kakashi stretched from his bored position by the podium that, in kind words, continually asked to wait to be served to anyone who would read.

After becoming the manager of the establishment a week ago, Kakashi could tell you that it wasn’t an easy job but it was times like then that he would quickly contradict himself and say that it was downright boring. It was a slow afternoon and he glanced at his watch, promising himself he’d take a break at four for an hour if there were no customers before that. Ten minutes left, he thought anxiously.

The tinkle of the front door made him almost collapse in a heap of disappointment until he caught the view of the person who had entered and grinned.

“So, does Kakashi have time to come out and play?” Asuma asked with a grin and stopped by his friend with a smirk on his face. The silver-haired manager played along by pretending to think.

“Hmm, that depends…” Asuma chuckled.

“On what?”

“If playing means leaving this shithole,” Kakashi said slyly in hushed tones as the two cracked up into quiet laughter as Kakashi went to the back of the restaurant and grabbed his things, leaving through the front door with Asuma on his tail. “So, what brings you to our little corner of the earth?”

The other man shrugged and slid his hand into his pocket, pulling out a little box and flicking it with practiced ease so that a cigarette slid out. “Stopping by, I've got some free time…”

Kakashi hummed in response and suddenly smirked, “what? Kurenai turned you down again and you want to mope around us while stealing our food?”

A grunt was heard as Kakashi’s bearded companion lit up a cigarette and took a puff. “No, she didn't turn me down. I haven’t seen her all week.”

“Ah,” Kakashi nodded and they shuffled along to the corner and turned onto the next street, heading for the apartment complex not too far ahead.

“So, how’s Ru doing?” the older man asked and he earned a shrug as a response in return.

“I don’t know…good, I guess. He was sleeping when I left and he should sleep ‘till around five, maybe five-thirty.”

Asuma sighed. “Those long hours are going to be the death of him.”

There was no response in return as Kakashi drifted into a contemplative silence. They both knew their little friend was overworking himself, staying up for most of the day and most the night. They also knew how important it was for the brunet.

“I mean, I understand why he works so much but taking those classes too…” the older man glanced at the manager walking beside him and raised a brow as he saw the younger man’s shoulder were raised and the looked of annoyance sparkling on his face. Kakashi shook his head.

“It’s not like it was before, you know? He even drinks in the middle of the afternoon if he feels like it.” A rock in his path was kicked out of the way and he shook his head. “I know he’s got a lot on his plate after everything but… There’s something different about him. I don’t know.”

Another breath of smoke blew from the other’s lips before he said, “let me talk to him, maybe seeing a familiar face will cheer him up.”

X-X-X

“WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He grinned as the air rushed passed his face and let his mouth hang open to catch another deep breath, readying himself to howl again into the air swirling around his head, his hair plastered to his face in the direction the wind was going. His hands flew into the air as the swivel chair made another twenty or so spins in under seconds until the world was slowly starting to come into focus.

He was about to shriek again but stopped when he heard the front door open. His eyes tried to catch hold of the intruder as he continued to spin and he picked out enough features to recognize his apartment-mate.

“Kaaasshiiii!!!” He called out as he heard him set down his bag and caught another set of features as he passed again. “Ahh! ‘Suma!!!”

He saw between turns the bearded man gave a smile and chuckle as he moved closer. The chair stopped spinning abruptly but the world just kept going….and going….and going….

He felt the nausea a few seconds later. His head spun so violently his stomach few as if it was coming up his throat.

“Oh, god….Kakashi! We’re going to need a bucket.” Asuma’s yell reached his ears but he didn't really care. The sour and bitter taste of bile rose into his mouth and he found himself pouring his guts out into the bucket that had appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

                X-X-X

He groaned as the pulsing beat through his brain pulsed harder against his poor brain. At the moment, he really felt like killing their neighbour, the ditzy brunette next door that was currently singing terribly off key to a song that just wouldn’t stop repeating the same words over and over….and over.

Kakashi and Asuma had parted not too long ago with the promise of pain medication and donuts. He didn't give a shit unless they somehow managed to get that stupid girl to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

He gave another weak groan that sent another wave of hurt through his head and shakily rose to his feet, slinking over to the stereo that he had spent most of his free money on and plugging in his iPod. He cranked the volume up to something that managed to cover the noise from the room over, flopping down next to the thin, glass cabinet that housed their music collection and pressing his face up against the cool glass with a sigh of relief.

The bass felt good against his cheek and I reveled in how it sent pain-numbing shivers through his brain. He stayed in that position for a few minutes until there started to be an uncomfortable pinch in his neck, swapping the position in favour of pulling the treble speaker to his tummy, hugging it and laying his head on top of it. He was just about to close his eyes for a little nap when the front door swung open.

“Hey, there, buddy,” Asuma smirked at the youngest of the three as he set down one of the small plastic bags next to Iruka’s head. “How you feeling now?”

The only response he heard was a groan and Kakashi snorted from where he’d been stuffing things away in the kitchen. “That’s what you get for having booze for lunch. How many times has it been now? Three? Five?”

Iruka refused to listen to any of them, turning his head to face the wall as Kakashi carried on talking to the bearded man. “Personally, I think he likes it and is turning into somewhat of a masochist.”

“It’s not like I was planning this.” A grunt popped up from the speaker as Asuma set a glass down on the floor in front of it and Iruka downed a pill from the assorted bottles and boxes in his bag with it. Raising a brow, Asuma pondered over the situation as he watched his scruffy-looking friend cradled the glass against his temple.

They had known each other for years but he’d never seen Iruka do something like this. It wasn’t right; it wasn’t Iruka. And, if what Kakashi said was true about Iruka doing this more often, then they were going to have to talk.

“Hey, Kakashi?”

“Yeah?”

“You have a few minutes?” Kakashi looked up from his phone to meet his friend’s eyes, just in time to see the jerk of the other man’s head to the front door.

“Yeah, sure,” taking the hint, he lead his friend towards the exit, saying with a point of his thumb over his shoulder, “let’s go so we don’t have to hear Mr. Whiny over there.”

X-X-X

They climbed. They stepped all the way up until the roof. Little to no other apartment owners used it, prompting Iruka and Kakashi to use it as their own grand patio. A lawn chair had been set up next to a white, plastic table and a metal chaise longue. The view from the roof overlooked a great deal of the area; the buildings and a park could be seen in the distance before the small lump of a mountain that the city revolved around.

The wind brushed through his hair as Kakashi moved to the roof’s edge, hands in his pockets as he looked at the sun drifting down passed the cement rail. Asuma stood some feet away, unsure of what to way as he pulled out another cigarette and lit it. He blew out a sigh and shook his head, not looking to Kakashi as he asked, “why?”

There was an inflated pause as Kakashi searched for something to say.

“I know that he’s been having trouble ever since September but…” Asuma paused after his insisting statement. “But he’s was never like that before.”

Kakashi didn’t answer and Asuma was put off by it. He grew angry by the silence and demanded an answer. All Kakashi could do was stare out.

He gave in, knowing that Asuma wouldn’t tell anyone. He was Iruka’s friend too and, even though he hadn’t been around for a while, Kakashi knew that he still cared. It was obvious in the way he had just asked.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Asuma.”

The other man shook his head and took another puff before saying tersely, “Everything.”

It was a few moments before Kakashi could answer, working his words over in his mind until they sounded right and he was able to work up the nerve to say them.

“Something happened.” Kakashi paused to let Asuma frown and narrow his eyes. “It was a few months after Genma and him broke up. I didn’t really notice anything different but we went out one night and, when I came home, I…”

The words caught on his tongue and he felt like he couldn’t breathe, the scenes replaying in his mind. It was hell to push them back but he eventually did it; the strain that showed on his face putting Asuma into a silent state.

“There was a guy there and… Iruka was just lying on his bed.” There was another pause. “He said that he’d told the guy to stop.”

Words dawning on him, Asuma dropped down into the lawn chair and tried to process them. He had a slight grasp of the situation finally until Kakashi said something else that threw him off.

“It was the same guy.” Kakashi had gritted his teeth, unable to hold back his confusion and anger any other way. “It was the same guy from September.”

X-x-X

When they finally re-entered the apartment, Iruka had already fallen asleep on the couch, using what looked like someone’s sweater instead of one of the cushions on the floor as a pillow.

“He thinks it’s his fault.” A blanket was lightly placed on the sleeping brunet and the other two dropped down into the seats around the tiny dining table. “But I just can’t get it in his head that it’s not.”

Asuma’s head was reeling but he pulled himself in to ask, “What do we do?”

There was an even longer pause before Kakashi could simply say, “I don’t know.”

X-X-X

Iruka blinked. His hair was a mess and he sniffed as he stood from the couch, glancing around to find that his friends had left and that the sun was going down. Shuffling to the kitchen, he noticed the empty coffee mugs on the table and note for him that explained that Kakashi was driving Asuma home. More shuffling brought Iruka to his room and he dropped down into his desk chair, laptop flipping open. After his mail and other notifications were checked, the silence started to ring out with every passing moment that Iruka sat immobile, staring at the screen.

It was a long time before he decided and opened up a new Word file and started to type.

Once he was done, he took a deep breath and read it over again one last time before saving it deep within his computer, in a file within his music folders, so that he’d never have to see it again.

X-X-X


	6. September 16, 2000+

September 16, 2000

 

“You sure this is the place?” Minato glanced over at Iruka and the boy nodded quietly.

“I think.” He glanced down the paper in his fingers and nodded again. “It should be.”

Hopping down from the van, Iruka waved bye to his dad before scooting up the old, cement steps to the small, white house. Knocking politely, he waited for Kakashi to answer the door and shuffled around on the tiny doorway awkwardly, Minato still sitting in the driveway with a suspicious look on his face.

The door opened and Kakashi appeared in the door.

“Finally,” he said as he flicked his silver hair from where they were hanging down into his eyes. He motioned to come in, “come on.”

~~~

Kakashi’s home was officially shiver-inducing. Unlike Iruka’s own home, Kakashi’s was old and dirty; not because it was unclean but because it felt like it hadn't had a proper cleaning in years. The soles of his feet almost screaming at him in protest, Iruka followed Kakashi to the boy’s little room off of the kitchen.

“This is my room,” Kakashi said with a shrug and glanced around until he found what he was looking for. “And this….. Is Pakkun.”

A small pug was thrust into his face and Iruka awed at the cute sight, petting the little dog with delicate hands. He cooed, “He’s so cute.”

“Yeah,” Kakashi chuckled and nuzzle the dog with his face, “he’s a really good boy.”

“Kakashi,” a voice boomed from down the hall, sending fear up Iruka’s spine as footsteps neared the room. A tall, muscular man stepped into the doorway, his long, grey hair tied in a ponytail at the back of his neck. The resemblance was immediately apparent and Kakashi’s dad was exceptionally scary. With a beer bottle in hand, the man sat heavily on his feet and gave Iruka a long stare before asking Kakashi in French, “This’s your friend?”

“Yeah,” Kakashi answered back in a dark and distant tone without his eyes meeting the man, his dad nodding, sipping his bottle and walking off.

Another shiver ran up Iruka’s arms and he glanced towards his friend, giving no comment as to what just happened but taking it into consideration. He muttered out, “you’re dad’s scary.”

Ringing out through the room, Kakashi’s laugh boomed as he threw his head back and Iruka chuckled as well.

“Don’t worry.” Kakashi assured with a smile. “He won’t kill you unless you steal one of his beers.”

X-X-X

When he finally shut the door on Iruka, Kakashi sighed and took a moment to stare at the place he lived in. He hadn't had a friend over in forever and, even then, it had been Asuma. He always seemed to be going over to other people’s homes and he’d been nervous about asking Iruka to come over. It wasn't because he was afraid that the brunet would say no.  On the contrary, Iruka had been the one to suggest it.

Kakashi had been afraid of what Iruka would think.

His place wasn't clean and shiny and new like Iruka’s home and his dad wasn't the most inspiring of people like Iruka’s parents. He didn't have a big room or a big basement. He didn't even have nice pets.

With another sigh, he shook off the feeling and sauntered back to his room. The room had light blue walls and a tiny window that overlooked the backyard, his bed right underneath it. there was barely enough space for his bed and he could guess that if he took everything out and put in two beds, the room would be packed.

But it was his room. He’d lived a good few years in this room and he was used to it.

A tiny sneeze popped up from the bed and Kakashi melted on the inside, going over to his bed and setting the puppy on his lap, “Aw, you’re so freakin’ cute.”

From the side door, Kakashi could hear another whine and he called out, “shut up, Bull!”

When the dog didn't stop, the boy set Pakkun down and hurried to the door to open it before Bull would wake his dad. As soon as he opened it, the big dog pounced on the tiny body and Kakashi laughed quietly as he scratched rough fur, “yeah, I like you too but you have to keep quiet, okay?”

Licking the eleven year-old’s face in happiness, Kakashi smiled and pushed the dog off, gaging when he realized the dog’s spit was on his face. “Oh, god, that’s nasty.”

X_X_X

February 2, 2001

Kakashi glanced up when he heard Iruka sweep into his room, cheeks flushed and grinning as he pulled off his coat. The older boy shushed him when Iruka started to gibber and he motioned his friend closer to the box he was looking into.

“See?” Kakashi watched as his friend’s face lightened in delight and he too looked down at the puppies and their mother. “Look at their little noses.”

“Oh,” Iruka cooed at them and watched them fuddle around slowly in their box. “They’re so cute.”

Chest puffing up with pride, the other boy smiled and said, “I even helped them when they were coming out.”

When his friend looked up at him with admiration, Kakashi smiled and explained how one of the baby’s had gotten stuck and he’d helped by gently pulling it out.

“That one’s Yukino and that one’s Toshi,” Kakashi pointed out as he carefully picked each baby up one by one and set them back down next to their mommy. “And this one’s Bisuke. He’s the smallest and the youngest of them all. He’s the one who got his head stuck.”

The little puppy flinched at Kakashi’s touch when the boy went to pick him up, hands gentle against his soft and short fur. Iruka couldn't help but admire the way the boy could pick the baby up with that much confidence and care at the same time.

The older boy glanced up at his friend and asked, “You wanna hold him?”

“Huh? Oh, well,” Iruka then found his palms full of tiny baby puppy and he couldn't help but feel proud of himself.

Watching his friend hold the pup, Kakashi smiled before taking it back and setting it with its mother. The two of them continued to watch enraptured by the tiny beings and talk about where they would end up later on.

“Hey,” Kakashi glanced up to see his father in the doorway and he frowned, Iruka going immediately stiff in the man’s presence. They had both looked away from the puppies and were on the ends of their toes. Deciding to ignore the man, Kakashi turned and got up from his seat on the floor and sit down on the desk’s stool that was hiding the babies from plain view.

“Hey,” Sakumo repeated, smacking Kakashi upside the head, both boys flinching. Iruka watched in fear as his friend was towed out of the room and the door closed behind him, leaving Iruka alone in the room with the little pups.

There was a lot of yelling and Iruka tried to ignore it but caught some words and was able to piece together that Kakashi shouldn't have invited a friend over.

It was a long few minutes before Kakashi came storming back into the room, Pakkun at his hip, and slammed the door behind him. Iruka watched his friend angrily throw himself on the bed and raise his pug far above his head to stare at it.

Getting up the courage to say something, Iruka finally asked, “You okay?”

“Huh?” The glance Kakashi sent his way described ignorance and the boy shrugged and said, “Yeah, of course.”

For a long time, they stayed quiet and frozen until Kakashi sprang up and asked, “hey, you wanna play a game?”

“Okay,” Iruka watched as Kakashi pulled open a drawer and took out a console and Iruka helped him plug in cables, sitting down when the logo appeared on the TV. They played and laughed, having a lot fun, but Iruka felt that something was different.

Something, he knew, wasn't right.


	7. April 19, 2010

There was a knock at the door; one that Iruka didn't notice until he stopped by the door to drop his backpack by the door.

X-X-X

It was early Saturday morning, barely nine o'clock, and both residents of apartment 3B were up with mugs of dark, steaming liquids waiting for them on a counter in the kitchen. Kakashi had inadvertently snapped awake at almost exactly six thirty, the same time as Iruka, and had lain in his bed listening to the sounds in their home as Iruka moved about, grabbing things from cubbies and places in his room.

He could almost picture Iruka frowning and trying to decide between one of his shorter or longer HDMI cables, Saturday mornings becoming a routine in his mind ever since February had rolled around. All of a sudden, their dark and depressing apartment had turned into a safe haven where Kakashi felt at home again.

And it was relieving. He felt as if he could breathe again and he didn't have to tiptoe around so as to not alarm anyone of his presence anymore. He felt happy again and it was unsettling.

X-X-X

Iruka was preparing to leave for his parents home like he did every Saturday now. He would take the almost two-hour ride home to see his brother's smiling face and his mother's grinning eyes. It was therapeutic to see them and to be able to get in touch with them again. He felt at ease with them and knew that he could go back home every Sunday and keep the new smile on his face.

They didn't know the details of what had happened so they couldn't judge and Iruka was thankful that he could put the past behind him around them.

With his brother's cheeky grin in mind, he dropped his bag near the door, shocked when the door suddenly rattled on its hinges. There had been a knock but Iruka didn't have enough time to react before the lock was turned and a familiar woman strode into the room.

Her sickly sweet lips turned upward in a grimace that resembled a smile when she noticed him and threw her arms open to call, "Oh! Iruka! It's been ages, sweetie!"

"A-Anko?" What was she doing there?

She pulled him in for an awkward hug and said, "Oh, sweet pea, it's been way too long. Why didn't anyone tell me you were in the hospital?"

About to say something, Anko cut the brunet off by quickly saying with a wave of her hands, "I would have brought a card or something if Kakashi hadn't put us on hold."

Mind in a whirl at her sudden appearance, Iruka tried to wrap his head around her words, "What?"

"Anyway," she brushed off his question and turned to the kitchen when banging of pots sounded out, alerting her to Kakashi's awakening. She was already halfway out the room when she said, "I'm just glad everything's back to normal."

Left standing in the doorway, a confused Iruka asked quietly again, "What?"

X-X-X

"I don't know… We just, sort of, fell back together last week." Kakashi had murmured nonchalantly into his cup as Iruka made a confused huff. The woman was in the bathroom doing something to her makeup while Iruka scrambled around the kitchen, Kakashi watching in boredom.

A sigh was all Iruka could manage before one last glance of the clock, heading to the door when he decided he was late enough. He threw over his shoulder at Kakashi. "Well, just make sure she doesn't take any of my stuff or go in my room."

Having earned himself a glare from the kitchen, Iruka only barely hearing the sigh Kakashi directed at him. "Yeah, yeah, just don't crash the truck."

X_X_X

Iruka was rolling down the highway when he realized that he didn't remember Kakashi and Anko breaking up. Gripping the wheel tighter, he tried to search his memories the best he could before giving up. Maybe they'd done it the day of the accident.

He gave up once he reached the small bungalow on the outskirts of the city with the cherry-red minivan sitting out front, pulling in behind his dad's grey car. Pocketing his keys and slinging his backpack over his shoulder, Iruka stepped up and knocked on the front door right before it swung open gleefully to reveal shinning eyes and a bright smile from the one and only little brother.

"C.O.D.?" The fourteen year-old asked hopefully as soon as Iruka stepped inside, an Xbox controller in his hand, and the brunet couldn't help but laugh at that hopeful face.

"Oh, Iruka," Kushina cooed once she got to the door, pulling the young man in for a hug as warmly smiling Minato stepped into the entry and she asked, "how was your week?"

Iruka was grinning from ear to ear as he said to them, "It was great."

"Good," Minato nodded with a smirk into his mug as he said, "because we're going skiing tomorrow. You and Naruto better play all you can because tomorrow's going to be exciting."

"Oh," Hesitantly, Iruka agreed, his parents faces lighting up as a deep, anticipating pain radiated in one of his knees. He pushed the nostalgic pain aside and grinned back at the three of them, saying brightly, "Of course."

X-X-X

She was in the bathroom and he was thankful for that. He didn't want to see her face at the moment.

Anko had said she loved him. He hadn't said it back.

Instead of returning the woman's feeling, Kakashi had said 'I know' and had left his room for the kitchen. He knew that she was lying, pretending to feel strongly towards him to draw him in even though they both knew that it wasn't true.

Anko was not the type of girl Kakashi could see himself living the rest of his life with. Sure, she was good-looking and the sex was good but her personality was somewhat lacking. He may be shallow but she was just as equally guilty. It was probably why they kept breaking up on an almost daily basis. It wasn't like he wanted to get back with her because he felt bad but something inside of him felt insecure when he was lonely; a hole that only Anko could fill if there wasn't anyone else.

Feeling like a really big jerk and more empty then he thought he would feel, he trudged back to his room and grabbed his keys, ushering the woman out as soon as she left the bathroom.

Ignoring her pleading face, he locked the apartment and drove her home like the gentleman he was before going back to the apartment to indulge in the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: the next 'present' chapter will be at least a year or so later. Do not kill me for this, okay; that's just the way it happens and that's the way I'm going to keep it. Iruka and Kakashi need time to heal and grow and that takes a long time; time that doesn't need to be covered in these chapters to move the plot.


	8. April 11, 2002

He had always been one of the lonely kids; the one at the back of the class who didn't have many friends. He used to have a few friends but they'd all moved on after kindergarten to hang with other people and now he was all by himself with no one to really play with.

"Hey, Obito," Junko, one of the more popular boys in his class motion him over and the little Uchiha couldn't refuse as he was invited to hang out with him. He had felt uneasy, unable to push through the barrier that they were surrounding themselves with, and it went on like that until the day it got worse.

It all started with one line from Junko.

"You're such a liar, Obito," is what he'd said at the time and then the others had joined in until they were turning their backs to him while the other boy poked and prodded him and demanded to know why Obito was 'such an idiot' and why he couldn't 'be like everyone else'.

X-X-X

He sniffed and whipped his nose with his sleeve, kicking at the dirt under his swing. Unable to remember how long he'd been out there, he didn't really have the guts to go home and tell his family why he'd been crying. His home wasn't too far away anyway, just a street or two away. If they really needed him at home they knew where they'd be able to find him in case.

He didn't really care anyway at this point.

"Hey." Obito hadn't realized that a shadow had fallen on him and jumped when the boy in front of him spoke.

"That's my spot." The boy said and Obito frowned, taking in the other boy's entire figure before realizing who it was.

With his silver hair and school uniform, Kakashi Hatake stood with his hands pocketed and Obito felt the old hatred for the boy rise in his chest before he said back, "I didn't see your name on it."

Almost fearing the response, Obito waited as Kakashi blinked a single eye at him.

"Fair enough," the boy moved to the other swing as the black-haired boy sat stunned in his seat.

They hadn't spoken to each other in two years.

X-X-X

When Kakashi appeared one day with a little, chubby brunet by his side, Obito was taken aback. The little boy was polite and sweet, making Obito feel at ease with him even though they couldn't actually communicate properly, Iruka's mother tongue being English while Obito only knew limited words of it.

But they tried and Obito was happy. He had two new companions that he could actually call friends.


	9. November 2, 2011

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A year or so later

 

Kakashi flicked his head up when he heard the yawn echo into his room.

That was odd.

He stood and padded quickly and quietly down the hall towards the room next door to find that its occupant was missing.

With a huff of wonder, he moved down the hall to check the bathroom only to find it empty as well. Utterly confused now, he took one last glance in the other bedroom before heading over to the office room. Maybe Iruka was doing some homework he forgot? It wasn't unlikely but it wasn't such a familiar face either. After all, the brunet was as unpredictable as he was reliable.

Yawning on his way, Kakashi rounded the hall's corner and was about to continue on when a shadow in their galley-style kitchen made him freeze, cold sweat pricking the back of his neck. There was someone in his kitchen. There was someone standing in his kitchen and he could hardly move, muscles tense with horror and surprise.

Unsure of what to do, he was about to run to his room and grab his handy-dandy baseball-bat when his eyes focused and he recognize the shape.

He blinked, relaxing finally, and shuffled over to the swaying Iruka who stood opposite the fridge on bare feet, blank eyes staring at nothing as if waiting for someone to open it for him.

"Come on," Kakashi said softly as he took Iruka’s elbow and gently led the sleeping man back to his room, tucking the younger man in as he thought to himself that this was the first in a long while that Iruka had done that. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Kakashi studied his now peacefully sleeping roommate for a while and wondered what was going in that head.

It had been years, ever since they first moved into their apartment, that Iruka had last walked around their place even though he was deep in sleep. The last time had been when the brunet had made it so far that he’d been outside in the apartment’s parking lot before Kakashi looked out his window and almost did a spit take.

Stretching his arms over his head with a yawn, the older man relaxed again and ran his eyes over the room. He took in the large library of books and his friend’s cluttered desk, home to Iruka’s beloved laptop. Eyes falling back to dark, mussed hair and the soft rise and fall of breathing, Kakashi’s mind came up with a theory that really struck something inside of him.

This was his friend, his strong and passionate friend who he’d known for over ten years now, and he could barely remember a life without him. All he could remember were flashes of memory. He could briefly see his mom walking out on his father into the arms of another man as she took his older sister with her; his step-sister. He could see himself in a court room sitting next to his father who had actually groomed himself and he saw his father’s face relax when the judge decided that Kakashi would live with this man while his older sibling went to the care of her mother.

There had been tons of people who’d breezed into his life and left just as quickly. They had never stayed long or the fact could have been that his father finally decided to move them when his mom finally came back.

Then there was fourth grade and things became clearer. He had met Asuma and then the brunet who was now sleeping quietly at his side. He could see them playing in the snow, barking at each other as they pretended to be wolves and huskies, and playing under the school’s trees with their action figures when spring rolled around. Then everything became clear.

“You know,” he said quietly inside the silence that reigned in the room as he looked away from his friend to say, “You’re really important to me, Ru.”

With that said he pulled himself up and slunk out of the room but not without one last glance at his friend before turning off the room’s light.


	10. November to March 2002-2003

“You’ve noticed it too right?” Asuma dropped down onto the grass next to Iruka, watching Kakashi’s retreating back as the other third of their party walked off to go to the bathroom.

“Huh?” Iruka’s head snapped up and he glanced at Asuma, flicking his head to trace the boy’s line of view. Truth be told, he had no idea what Asuma was talking about. For sure, it was about Kakashi but there were a lot of things he noticed about Kakashi.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.” Asuma’s face was tight with something akin to worry and concern. Iruka blinked and tried to understand what the other boy was saying. Was there something wrong with Kakashi’s face? Whatever it was, Asuma would probably look down on him if he said he didn’t.

Putting up a face, Iruka wrinkled his nose and furrowed his brows as he lied, “of course I did.”

“Good,” Asuma’s face went slack and Iruka briefly forgot about his lunch when he saw the pained look Asuma made. He now kind of felt bad that he wasn’t exactly in the loop.

“When you guys get to Secondary, try and help him out, okay?” After Iruka agreed, there was a long silence between them, one that didn’t feel awkward but just…. Heavy. Iruka could feel Asuma’s intense feeling of concern from where he was sitting and it made him twitch, wondering just what could be going wrong.

“Here he comes,” Asuma finally said and they both turned to watch their friend walk out of the school building again. Iruka had just turned to watch as Asuma said, “Now, he wears those wristbands all the time.”

That moment, Iruka noticed the bands and he quickly blanched, realizing what Asuma had stated before.

He quickly looked away and stuffed his sandwich into his mouth as Kakashi came over, telling them that a huge line at the bathroom had appeared once he had exited and that he’d passed by the equipment shed and saw there were still things to take out.

All the while, Iruka was barely listening and he felt so helpless in that one instant even though he was supposed to be Kakashi’s best friend.

X-X-X

“I’m kind of getting worried about it.” Iruka’s eyes went wide in amazement as he snapped his attention over at Kakashi had been busy munching on the lunch he didn’t eating on time.

They’d been talking about how Kakashi’s room always smelled like dog spit and how his dad was constantly complaining about the fur and barking.

When Iruka turned his head to his friend, he noticed how Kakashi had stopped chewing and was gazing out across the fields of cold snow that was slowly pilling up. They were both in eighth grade and Iruka couldn’t remember seeing a time when Kakashi had been so concerned about something, the other boy’s face furrowed in worry.

“I’m sure it’ll be okay…” Iruka tried to console the other but nothing seemed to be getting through to Kakashi.

“My dad says that he’ll slice her up and eat her,” As he said that, Kakashi frowned and his face creased even more as he continued on. “But he’ll most likely throw her in the pound.”

“Well, that’s okay, right?” Iruka tried to lighten the situation and take things to the bright side but Kakashi responded darkly.

“A pound where the pups are killed if they aren’t picked up quick enough.”

There was silence between the both of them again and Iruka refused to say anything else, afraid of making things worse between them.

X-X-X

It was around five in the evening when Kakashi showed up on their doorstep. The roads were still slick with wet snow that had stopped falling not too long ago so the boy’s shoulders were barely touched by dampness, having walked only a few blocks too.

As sudden as the visit was, Iruka immediately knew something was wrong but the other boy didn’t show anything. While Iruka stood at the door, making eye contact with his friend, though, Iruka’s parents called from over at the dining table as to what was going on and Iruka ushered his friend in.

“Hey, what are you doing…?” It was just as Kakashi stepped passed the threshold that his face collapsed and he broke out into tears.

He was hiccupping in a matter of seconds and Iruka could barely manage to understand any of the gabber coming from Kakashi’s mouth until the older boy finally stuttered out, “She’s gone… He left the door open on purpose and now… She’s gone…”

He’d been talking about the pup.

That evening, Iruka’s parents and Kakashi drove around their whole neighbourhood in hopes of finding the sable puppy but they found no clues or traces of the dog anywhere.

The weather got worse right after that night and a snowstorm was even set loose, hopes of finding the poor puppy dashed at the weather that a lonely puppy would possibly never survive.

That winter was when Iruka saw the wristbands again and the dark circles under Kakashi’s eyes.


	11. April 21, 2012

Beyond the front door, Kakashi heard the ding of the elevator down the hall but continued on tying his shoes and grabbed his bag and keys as he headed out the door, about to close it behind him when he heard a sound that brought his attention upward.

Squelch…. Squish… Squelch

It was squishing. He turned to the source of the noise to find a soaking wet, jogging-pants-sneakers-and-sweatshirt-clad little brunet, trudging down the hall, his shoulders tense and his movements limited as slowly made his way towards the door.

Kakashi watched with the most confused expression ever as Iruka gave a tight-lipped smile and a nod to him when he pushed passed the frozen man, squishing into their apartment as he closed the door behind him and gave Kakashi another one of those awkward smiles before he shut the door softly.

Left standing in the hall for moments after, Kakashi furrowed his brows and frown.

_What just…?_

The door opened suddenly, revealing Iruka exactly as he had been before-dripping ponytail and all.

The brunet gave him a small smile that was just downright creepy. "It's raining outside."

The door closed slowly again and Kakashi was left pursing his lips instead, kind of freaked out but not surprised. The man sighed in exasperation before shaking his head and following the wet trail to the elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short, needed something to fit between the last chapter and the next so... Eh. Anyway, next chapter coming soon since I'm almost done and thank you everyone for all your support and encouragements.


	12. May 17, 2003

It had come back three weeks later. An ear was missing from its head and the pup was cut in some places. It was eerily thin, ribs almost visible from afar, and it was easy to tell that the thing was malnourished.

Not long after, the pup was given to a shelter and Kakashi had showed up to school with his beautiful, grey hair dyed an inky black. Iruka didn’t say anything against it but it was easy to see that something was wrong and it wasn’t just the hair.

He’d seen Kakashi’s wrists. He’s seen the ugly scab of the hole on top of Kakashi’s hand; the one that had been apparently from ‘sleep-scratching’. Iruka didn’t believe one bit of the story he’d been given and the Vaseline-like puss coming out of the small crater was beginning to worry him.

Iruka hated it. He hated that he wasn’t able to do anything. He hated himself for not taking control and helping his friend. He felt so useless.

~x~

“Hello?” On the other end, Iruka could hear small breaths and he frowned, shifting the remote from his lap as he sat up. “Hello?”

“Iruka?” The voice was soft but urgent and the young boy’s brow furrowed as he recognized the voice.

“Kakashi?” Standing up from the couch, Iruka could hear the breaths on the other end getting shallower and he felt his heart skip a few beats. “Kakashi? Are you okay?”

“Iruka…” The voice sounded desperate, needing something. It seemed as though the person was trying to hold something inside or even stop from spitting something out; something that was painful. “Iruka…”

“Yeah?” Iruka was pacing now and he could hear his mom coming down the stairs. “What’s wrong? Kakashi?”

“There’s so much blood.” Kakashi was getting hysterical and he sounded like he was sobbing as he said louder, “there’s so much blood, Iruka. I don’t….I didn’t-”

“Iruka?” Iruka snapped his head to his mom and sliced his hand through the air for her to shut up as he turned back to the phone, his mom’s face curling in worry.

“Kakashi?”

“I didn’t…I’m sorry; I didn’t…”

“Are you okay?” Iruka pleaded, feeling himself break inside, “Kakashi, can I come over?”

“I…” the line went so quiet for a moment and Iruka feared he’d been hung up on when the voice quickly said in a whisper, “thank you.”

And then the line went dead.

-X-

He was in tears. He couldn’t see where he was going as he followed his dad to the Hatakes’ door. Refusing to turn to the door, he heard his dad knock and felt piercing eyes on his back when Sakumo opened the door.

“Can I help you?” The man said with a dip of frustration as he took a puff of his cigarette.

Iruka could hear Minato explaining the situation and that they were worried about Kakashi. When he was done, the other man seemed surprised and even more irritated than before. Getting even more upset by the second, Sakumo started to get aggravated and argued with the younger man to mind his own business until he finally told them to get the fuck off his front steps.

The short drive back was quiet and Iruka felt so scared.

 


	13. November 12, 2012

“He…maybe…” his tongue poked out of his mouth as he typed quickly onto his iPod, mumbling out loud the words to the message before he typed them down. The rest of the apartment was quiet except for the occasional chorus or two coming from the neighbor's speakers. The songs blaring out were the same four on her playlist, replaying billboard songs that he had already involuntarily memorized by heart after the first play-through.

Iruka paused between words in the message and sneered at the wall opposite where the music was coming from, stealing away from the sofa to snatch his earphones from his room and flicking through his iPod for a _good_ song. Pacing silently around the living room, he let the music take over and his mind go blank as he dreamed up scenes for the next paragraph of the essay he was currently writing.

To someone looking on, all they would see was a guy making faces and spouting lines to nothing as he paced around the little room. After coming up with nothing useful to write, he plopped back down onto the sofa and continued writing up his essay, tapping off to the music. “Their….chords….are….”

Jumping a mile high, the couch abruptly vibrated beneath him. He was just about to wonder if he was having another moment of insanity when the couch did it again. He hopped up to find the phone lying just where his butt was….

“Yesshhhh?” He pouted into the phone at his own stupidity.

“Why the fuck didn't you answer the first time I called?” He quaked in surprise and dropped the phone, hesitantly picking it back up with a grimace.

“I had my iPod in…”

A frustrated sigh erupted from the other end and a gruff voice spat out, “Well, get your ass over to Costco, will ya?”

“Why-” the dial tone cut him off and he pursed his lips, flicking the off button.

X-X-X

“What took you so long?” The seemingly calm man asked as he shook off his hair from the rain outside and stepped through the second pair of sliding doors.

“Well, excuse me if I was a little busy when you called…”

The silver-haired man gave him a tired glare and gestured to his wallet, bulging out of his back pocket. “Come on, let’s get something to eat, I'm starving…”

The woman at the door waved them through at the sight of their membership cards and he leafed through the pamphlet of sales she handed to him as they made a beeline for the in-store diner, him asking, “Why didn't you eat before I got here?”

“I left my wallet at home,” Kakashi shrugged as they stepped into the line. At that fact, a thought came to his mind.

“Wait, you could’ve asked me to bring your wallet too so you could pay for yourself, you know.”

“I know,” the response and grin made his eye twitch. This meant that he was going to have to pay for both of them….again. It seemed like another ten bucks was going to be added to Kakashi’s tab today.

X-X-X

“So…would you mind explaining to me how you got stranded at Costco?” He licked the ketchup off his thumb and chucked his crumpled wrapper into the nearest trash bin as Kakashi and he made their down the wide aisles. Iruka felt the mood around his friend immediately darken and he glanced over to find Kakashi making his ‘I'm going to kill someone’ face.

“Me and another guy from work were on our lunch break and he offered to have lunch with me. We chose here and, after I specifically told him to wait for me, he left while I was in the bathroom.” There was a moment of silence as he tried to contain his giggles but a sputter of them left his mouth, alerting the older man next to me. “Stop laughing, you idiot.”

Iruka full out cackled and wiped a tear away. “I'm sorry, Kakashi, but…it’s just too funny.”

For laughing at his embarrassment, he received a punch to the arm that made him give a very unmanly yelp, ending the conversation.

“I need contact solution and coffee beans.” He stated and He nodded as He rubbed his shoulder in mock-hurt. “My eye’s starting to bug me.”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I want to check out the books.” He nodded, unusually quiet today and pointed over to the coffee section.

“I’ll go grab my coffee and solution and meet you at the cash, ‘kay?” After hearing his agreement, Kakashi trudged off and Iruka slunk over to the book section. He scanned the rows of books, stopping at the occasional one or two and soaking up a little bit of info here and there.

He loved reading. It had been his eternal passion alongside dancing and music but, living in a French community; it was hard to come by English books unless you went to _Chapters_ or a store downtown where most of the English sector lived. He was very much happy that they lived so close to a place with so many English books. 

Picking his way through the wholesale store, he found his tall amigo in the pharmaceutical department with a two-in-one box in hand. Kakashi glanced down at the plush blanket in Iruka's arms that he had taken a liking to on the way there (sooooo sooooft) but pushed the fact away and they hopped over to the cash.

“I'm gonna go wash out my contacts before we leave,” Iruka followed him to the bathroom with a nod and balanced Kakashi's coffee beans, extra bottle of solution and the box (that he had inadvertently paid for) on his new blanket as Kakashi ripped the protective plastic from the other bottle.

Originally, Kakashi had worn glasses but it was creepy enough for normal people to have a blood red eye stare at you but to be partially blind too was not a combo that Kakashi like to be stuck with. So, his older companion had decided to go with contacts after they graduated from high school. For the most part, he had complained constantly about how it didn't feel normal but eventually got used to the feeling and was confident he knew how the whole contact-process worked.

Although, as inexperienced as he was with contact solution, he doubt that crying out in pain was part of the procedure.

“OHMIFUCKINGGODS!” He watched in shock as Kakashi doubled over, hands ripping wildly at his eye until he pulled the contact lens right back out, lifting his head up enough for him to see that his blood red eye was now completely shocking red.

“What the-? You okay?” At the question, Kakashi whipped his head towards him and snarled.

“Do I look the fuck okay?” Biting his lip, Iruka shook his head solemnly despite the fact his friend had turned his attention back to the mirror. Studying his eye, the older man pulled on his eye lids to examine his redder-than-normal eye.

“What the hell was that?” Ignoring his question, Kakashi lent his attention to his contact lens and grabbed the solution to pour more of it on. Carefully this time, his replaced the lens on his eye then cursed not even a second later and pulled it right back off.

“It’s the fucking solution!” he growled out, running the water and splashing it into the eye that looked more painful than anything. Frowning, Iruka shifted the load in his arms until he could see the box, scanning it until he found the small, fine-print writing on the inside that stated in tiny writing:

_‘Warning: do not put directly on eye.’_

X-X-X

“How the fuck was I supposed to know you have to put it in that bottle thingy and wait an hour?” He flicked his head over to see Kakashi glaring at the box with his good eye, the other covered by his hand as he squinted and tried with little luck to read.

“They should really put a warning label on the outside about that,” Kakashi growled at his statement and Iruka tried not to chuckle at the cuteness that was usually the ever-so-cool Kakashi.

“I don’t know who the hell thought this up but they really need to rethink their product advertisement.”

Iruka nodded. “Yeah but then no one would buy it if it said, ‘Not for immediate use’ on it.”

“Good,” Kakashi threw the box on the floor of the car, pouting and curling closer to his car door in a fashion not unlike that of a wounded animal.


	14. May 19-June 3, 2003

 

“You’re an asshole.”

They hadn't spoken on the bus but their second break had rolled around and Kakashi was now glaring at the flushed Iruka.

“It’s not my fault, okay? You freaked everyone out.” Iruka gripped his locker door harder and refused to meet gazes. In the meantime, Kakashi sighed in frustration and slid down to the floor, back against his own locker. The quiet weighed down on Iruka, kind of regretting not stopping his mom from calling their school and prompting student services to act.

“I have to go every lunch on Fridays now,” Sneering, the older boy studied the square of paper in his hand and the younger fidgeted guiltily. His mom hadn't told him at first and he sort of felt betrayed too even though he most of him felt like a betrayer.

But hopefully it would help.

X_X

Kakashi had been going to therapy for about three weeks and major changes had been apparent in him and Iruka felt like maybe things were looking up.  It seemed as though normality was beginning to settle in again and it felt nice. It felt good to have his friend smiling more often and being able to express himself more easily.

But Iruka wasn't doing so good. He was starting to feel emotions that were foreign to him and it was starting to seem a little dangerous. He was beginning to treat cold water and he didn't know what to do about it. These feelings were scary but good; they made him feel at home with himself. It was as though he was fitting into the mold of who he really was and he liked it. But what would others say? Would they tolerate it or…

So he was scared. And worried.

He didn't want to keep this inside anymore and it was starting to hurt. He needed to tell someone. He someone who wouldn't judge him or laugh at him.

“I gotta tell you something.” Kakashi glanced over his shoulder at Iruka and raised a brow before going back to balancing on the curb.

“Go on,” hearing the prompt, Iruka tried not to think too long about it but felt himself hesitating and tripping over the thoughts in his head.

Maybe he should save it for another day. Maybe now wasn't the right time. He should tell his parents first. What if Kakashi hates him after this?

“I like guys…”

They both froze, Kakashi's back to him.

“So…. You’re gay?”

“I’m bi.”

“Oh,” Kakashi finally turned around and stepped off the curb, face the same as always and ever-so nonchalant. “Okay, well, as long as you don’t hit on me, I’m good.”

“Thanks,” Iruka was grinning from ear to ear and they fell into laughing. This was nice; he was happy…

“But… Have you told your parents?” This was the second time Iruka froze.

Kakashi watched with slight pity and understanding, not too surprised by the big reveal and moving onto more pressing matters. Iruka was tensed up and eyes wide and Kakashi was worried for a second that he was going to faint but he didn't and Kakashi smiled. “Well, you don’t have to tell them right away, right?”

His shoulders fell down and Iruka seemed to relax again.

“Yeah, I don’t.”

X~X

“Iruka.” Kushina was it his door and Iruka looked up from his book. “We need to talk.”

A chill went down Iruka’s back, knowing that was her ‘you’re in big trouble’ voice, but he got up anyway and followed Kushina to where both Naruto and Minato were waiting for him in the living room. Things didn't look so good.


End file.
